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Effort vs Maintenance

Recently, I find myself delving into the world of late-night radio a little too much.

Sad to some of you, I know, but I grew up embracing the wonder in radio of having the ability to multitask while being able to follow a discussion at the same time, which if taken into the real world, will prove as quite a challenge.

As I browse through several radio stations, I immediately stopped incessantly pressing the ‘next’ button when I heard a girl whimpering about her love life. My favourite radio show was on, with the usual love guru that consoles her, giving her advice on how to handle her situation.

I have been a fan of this “love guru” ever since the time I heard my parents listening to him. His show can get R-13 at times so it isn’t really advisable for me to openly listen to him late at night.

I do it inconspicuously.

He continued on sympathizing with the, I must say, very commiserative girl. As I continued to listen to his words, something struck me, struck me hard, struck me good.

As females, we hate to admit it, but we are vulnerable to flattery and good deeds. Other people saying “You’re beautiful,” and even “You look thinner!” can really make a woman’s day. Younger people would often find different novels concerning guys doing things for the girl he loves romantic. Some of these things would be surprising her with a gift, lending her his jacket when she’s cold and listening to what she wants to talk about until she’s out of breath.

We would often connect this with how perfect the guy you’re with right now is if he makes the effort of doing these kinds of things for you. But that’s just it. Doing good things for the betterment of each other… have we forgotten that this should already be a given in a relationship?

“Oh, he listens to me,” or “He really understands me,” is what I hear some people would often say and make a big deal about. Truth is, a relationship cannot be a possible without communication, as communication cannot be possible without having a relationship, but that’s from a completely different philosophical point of view.

Listening to you shouldn’t be a big deal. To make a relationship work, you need understanding.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t talk with your other girlfriends about how cool or romantic your boy is when he was able to buy you that snazzy ring but rather, there’s a fine line between maintenance and effort.

To observe maintenance in a relationship is to just do the “givens.” Saying those three words, a stroll in the park, a call after his game, there are a lot of things you can do to maintain the relationship you have. To exert some effort in a relationship is another thing.

Who am I but a mere hopeless romantic to say what effort is and what is not?

All I’m saying though is for you to know what you should be doing in a relationship and what you could be doing.

You think going to his game is enough? How about cheering him on to your heart’s content. You think taking her home is enough? How about you hold her hand the whole time? You think giving a gift is enough? Ever think of adding a letter to it?

Small things can make a difference, and truly, the line between what is effort and what is maintenance can be a bit little, but nevertheless sure to have a huge impact in your relationship.

The girl I talked about earlier, the one whinging about how her boyfriend seem disinterested with her, is one such victim of not knowing the difference between an “I love you” to an “I LOVE YOU.” By the end of their discussion, she eventually promised to break up with the guy (as most of them do).  She even seemed to understand what the ‘love guru’ was aching to make her comprehend. This time I hope she realizes that it’s the people that make the relationship work and not the relationship that makes the people.

So my advice, listen to the radio late at night and explore the wonders within.

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About shamelesswhisper

The world is what you make of it... and I made my world filled with cherries and cream.

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